She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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