He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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