btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
