can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
