just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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