i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry about my life...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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