Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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