i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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