He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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