So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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