apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
