I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
