I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
