Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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