You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
