I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
