some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
