Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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