I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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