i think my mom watched the whole time
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
