The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
