is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
