Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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