i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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