how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you made out with another girl for some wings
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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