Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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