I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
