We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
