Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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