Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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