Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
