belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
