so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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