Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
