lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
my liver is dry heaving
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
