i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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