my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
