well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
