i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
