haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
