I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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