Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
