the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
