I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
