How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
