What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
