People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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