yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
