At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
