ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You are the jesus of drinking
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
