ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
